


i found.

by moonciaohui



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, ChinaLine, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, i tried to write something not so sad i hope u like it, junhui is soft and loves minghao, junhui sometimes crosses the line, minghao doesnt really know how to feel, minghao is sad and confused, not to be dramatic but id die for chinaline, side meanie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 02:20:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12122433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonciaohui/pseuds/moonciaohui
Summary: minghao finds love where it's not supposed to be.





	i found.

junhui was always the unbreakable and steady one in their relationship. the pillar that minghao could lean onto. junhui was pure good and everyone knew it. 

minghao on the other hand, was the complete opposite. he was like a ticking time bomb always on the edge of going off. he had outbursts and constantly reflected his anger onto the older. however, since junhui was an absolute angel he would sit and endure minghao's angry yelling at the world until the younger would calm down.

it was when high school started was when their relationship dynamic changed. maybe it was because of the fact that puberty hit junhui like a ton of bricks or the fact that minghao had found new friends, or maybe it was the way minghao's face would heat up whenever he was in a five foot radius within the older.

either way, the two slightly separated, much to minghao's relief and junhui's confusion and sadness. so minghao continued on, struggling to ignore such a large part of his life. after many ignored calls and half hearted replies to texts, junhui eventually gave up. he figured that minghao just didn't want him anymore, and though it hurt him to, he left the younger chinese boy alone.

 

though it seems as fate wasn't done with them yet, as it just so happened that junhui's new friend wonwoo and mingyu, the giant puppy that had latched onto minghao, were dating. it was rather awkward being stuck on double dates with the couple, minghao and junhui sharing sheepish smiles and short glances as the couple besides them were blissfully unaware of the uncomfortable interactions between the two besides them. 

so minghao conceded a little and let himself spend time with the other, but he set boundaries. he never cuddles with junhui though it is tempting sometimes (junhui falling asleep on his shoulder doesn't count okay?), he avoids spending too much time with junhui and whenever someone hints at them being anything more than friends he is quick to deny it. 

but minghao could always feel junhui staring holes into the back of his head, he never met the stare of the other. though if you asked him why he still sometimes ignored junhui, he would never tell you. but deep down minghao knew why. 

junhui was amazing. he was kind, he was caring, and so so pretty. he loved minghao so much and everybody knew it. and it fucking terrified minghao. it terrified him enough that he would push the older away as a way to avoid his unfamiliar feelings about the other. because it felt wrong. 

it felt wrong to want to kiss the boy hes always been friends with. it felt wrong to want to kiss a boy. of course he wasn't homophobic, he was all for mingyu and wonwoo's relationship. but whenever thoughts of junhui came into his mind, he couldn't help but want to shut them out, a feeling of shame washing over him after waking up after having another wet dream about the other. 

junhui was oblivious to minghao's internal struggle obviously. and he just kept it coming with the compliments, the subtle flirting and the skinship. don't even get minghao started on the skinship. wen junhui was a very touchy man, possible one of the clingiest person he knows. always hugging minghao and throwing himself into minghao's lap, never paying mind to minghao's red face and sweaty hands.

but this, this was the last straw.

they had been going out to eat as per usual, and minghao and junhui had been walking to junhui's house because he'll be damned if he lets junhui get kidnapped because of his weird anti junhui strike. 

the pair walked up to the apartment building, stopping at the door and just as minghao was about to turn around to head back to his apartment building a few streets down, he heard junhui's soft voice.

“minghao, wait!”

he turned back around and looked at the blond haired boy, and before he could respond, he felt a pair of lips smash against his cheek hurriedly and leave just as soon as they had came. 

minghao didn't realize junhui had walked away, a faint ‘thank you’ ringing in his ears as he watched junhui's figure retreat inside the lobby of the apartment complex.

minghao stood there for another 3 minutes before mechanically turning around and making his way back to his building. it's like he was in autopilot mode, one foot going in front of another until he reached the door to his apartment. he was still in a trance as he walked into his room and went straight into bed, his thoughts keeping him up all night long.

 

junhui didn't see minghao until their shared 3rd hour, but when he did, all he was met with was the cold shoulder. though the kiss on the cheek was a little much, junhui figured they could just laugh it off and forget like all the other awkward happenstances of their relationship. junhui had noticed the shift too, when minghao stopped meeting his eyes, started ignoring his advances. but that was behind them wasn't it? they had started going back to normal, and though there were still times where minghao you pull back and junhui would still push, they were back to normal. 

but junhui went and fucked it up. he went and pushed too far and now minghao is gone again. maybe to never come back. maybe junhui really did cross the line this time. 

 

the next few days were hell for both minghao, junhui, and all the people around them. minghao was back to his old hot headed self, everything setting him off, but anyone could see the sadness in his eyes and the eye bags under them. 

mingyu and wonwoo sensed something had happened between the two, seeing that junhui hadnt sat at their table that day and minghao's occasional longing glance at the other chinese boy. but when they asked minghao about it they were quickly shut down and they decided to leave minghao alone. but wonwoo wasnt going to let junhui suffer in silence on his own. minghao had mingyu, and junhui needed wonwoo. so he made plans to go see wonwoo after his last class and comfort the older.

junhui was much worse than he thought. at first, he wouldnt even open the door, wonwoo having to plead with him and even threaten to use force before junhui reluctantly opened the door. and what was on the other side of the door made wonwoo's heart break.

the door revealed a pajama clad junhui, wrapped up in a blanket with messed up hair and red rimmed eyes. wonwoo could see the tear tracks that streamed down the chinese boys cheeks and more tears that threaten to fall.

after staring at the boys hunched over miserable figure for a minute, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the taller. it wasnt long before wonwoo could feel tears wetting his shirt and the lump of blankets started shaking as sobs wracked through his whole body.

the two stood in the hallway for what seemed like hours, junhui's whimpers and sobs filling up the quiet space as wonwoo rubbed his back and whispered comfort into his hair. 

eventually the sobs quieted down to short little gasps and hiccups as junhui struggled to compose himself. junhui eventually left wonwoo's arms standing up and readjusting the blanket he had gripped around his shoulders. the two made eye contact, junhui's sad eyes saying a silent plea for them to not talk, and wonwoo's eyes trying to search junhui's, wanting to know why he was so upset. eventually wonwoo sighed and gave up, and walked to the sofa with junhui in tow.

though junhui didn't want to talk now, he would eventually find out why junhui was so upset. 

when wonwoo did find out though, he was furious. he was ready to fight minghao with his own two hands, all previous friendship with the chinese boy forgotten as he heard junhui's miserable retelling of what had happened. but junhui begged wonwoo not to do anything (for reasons wonwoo will never understand). so wonwoo calmed down, but he made a promise to at least make mingyu talk to minghao about it. 

 

“minghao i’m sorry, i didn't know you would be offended and,, i'm sorry” junhui’s beautiful eyes now had red rings around them, his skin blotchy and his eyes watery from crying. it broke minghao’s heart to see the always positive boy like this.

“junhui no, i-” minghao tried to protest junhui’s apology. he had done nothing wrong. it was all minghao’s fault and he should be the one apologizing, not junhui. but the older kept going, words spilling out of his pink lips.

“and i understand if you don't want to talk anymore even if t makes me really sad i've noticed you've been really distant lately and i should have realized that you didn't like me anymore and i shouldn't have kissed you, no kissed you on the cheek and i just-”

minghao softly wrapped his arms around the other, stopping the fumbling mix of korean and chinese. minghao wrapped his arms around junhui's waist and buried his nose into the crook of the black haired boy, sighing in content when junhui wrapped his long arms around him in reciprocation.

“so.. you’re not mad at me?” junhui sniffled out, minghao standing up to look him in the eyes.

“i could never be mad at you junnie” he softly spoke, watching junhui's face light up. and even though he shouldn't have forgiven him that easily, minghao was over the moon when the other just wrapped him in a tighter hug and they both breathed a sigh of pure relief.

 

the next few weeks were almost as bad as them not talking at all, junhui constantly on eggshells around minghao, whenever he subconsciously initiated skinship he would immediately retract his hand and apologize, and minghao didn’t know if he was relieved or sad. 

 

minghao didn't know what to do or feel. he was practically falling apart at the seams, anyone could see. he spent his days worrying over what he and junhui were and what they could be. the logical part of him screamed at him to get a grip and to just make everything like how it was before. but the tiny part of him whispered that doing that wouldn't fix anything. that part of him that he rejected and pushed away.

the part of him that knew he loved junhui.

of course junhui noticed minghao's downward mental spiral and was always trying to help, asking him if he was okay, making sure he was eating right, keeping him from falling apart under the stress of school and trying to deal with his feelings.

 

they were laying on junhui's bed, wonwoo and mingyu out on a date, leaving them to eat takeout and study together. they had taken a short break and were now laying on their backs staring at the ceiling, the only thing illuminating the room was the moonlight coming through the dirty window.

“junnie?” minghao started, without thinking through what an awful decision he was about to make. but junhui was oblivious like always, to minghao's panic.

“yes haohao?” junhui replied, using that godawful nickname. taking a deep breath, choosing to ignore the nickname, he gathered up all the courage he had, and whispered out what he wanted to shout.

“how… do you.. feel about… gay people” the words came out quiet and hushed, like it was a secret only meant for them to hear.

“what do you mean?” minghao swallowed and closed his eyes, trying to stop the fat tears that threatened to fall down his face. that response was enough for minghao to know junhui's opinion. but that small part of him persisted and won over as he asked the question.

“how, do you feel about gay people” minghao kept his eyes clamped shut, his hands balled in fists as he waited in anticipation for junhui's reaction. he felt junhui shift beside him, probably to get up and leave, to never speak to minghao ever again. minghao sighed and let the hot tears stream down his cheeks, his eyes still screwed shut. he didn’t want to see the empty space beside him, he didn’t want to accept the truth.

but minghao's eyes shot open when he felt a soft hand wipe away a tear that had just fallen, and then both hands softly collecting the other tears on his cheeks. he looked up at the owner of said hands, and felt everything stop. junhui's eyes looked endless in the moonlight, the dark brown seemed to go on forever, and minghao could spend hours searching for how deep that darkness went. 

he watched junhui's mouth move, but no sound came out. it's like minghao's head was full of cotton, everything was buffering. and then suddenly everything was moving too fast, junhui had his arms wrapped around him, and he was crying, the tears falling down his face without his permission. 

“love is love minghao, i dont know what you're going through, but i love you no matter what okay?” 

minghao numbly nodded his head, junhui's earlier words still ringing in his head.

_“minghao, i'm gay too.”_

 

maybe minghao wasn't okay now, but eventually he could be. and maybe, just maybe. he could find love in the dark eyed chinese boy who had been there since the start.

**Author's Note:**

> idk how to feel about this?? im trying 2 get better at writing :///
> 
> this was inspired by amber runs song called i found!!! its a good song u should check it out
> 
> twitter @moonciaohui


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